People often ask me, “What’s the one thing that will actually help me feel better?”
Most of the people I work with already suspect they have ADHD or have recently been diagnosed. Others come in feeling overwhelmed, forgetful, or stuck in a cycle of starting things and not finishing them—traits that often line up with ADHD.
During therapy, they begin to recognise what’s really going on and understand how their brain works. Many feel tired, frustrated, or like they’re running on empty, and they just want to feel like themselves again.
For so many of them, the thing that makes the biggest difference is something they never expect: self-praise.
Why is Self-Praise So Hard for ADHD Brains?
People with ADHD often find it easier to take in what others say than notice their progress. Many have spent years relying on validation from others—whether from a boss, a friend, or the quick dopamine hit of social media. It’s not that they need praise more than anyone else, but the ADHD brain responds strongly to immediate rewards and feedback.
Add to that the years of being told to try harder, be more organised, or stop being so forgetful—and it’s no surprise that the focus tends to fall on what they haven’t done rather than what they’ve achieved.
Self-praise doesn’t come naturally to many people with ADHD. They’ll often talk about their perceived shortcomings rather than celebrate what they’ve achieved. Some even tell me it feels a bit cringe-worthy at first. Because they’re so used to focusing on what went wrong or what didn’t get done, celebrating wins, big or small, can feel almost wrong.
But this discomfort isn’t just about mindset—it’s also how the brain works. Our brains are wired to focus on what’s wrong (a process called negativity bias), so learning to notice the good takes practice.
A Lifetime of Feeling ‘Not Good Enough’
I recently worked with a client for over a year before they could finally say something positive about themselves. And that isn’t unusual. That moment was a huge breakthrough when they finally acknowledged their progress.
ADHD often comes with years, sometimes a lifetime, of feeling like you’re not good enough. It’s no wonder self-praise feels so unfamiliar.
Rewiring the ADHD Brain for Self-Praise
Self-praise isn’t about ego or arrogance. It’s about acknowledging effort over outcome, and giving yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
Think about it, if your friend said they managed to send an important email despite feeling overwhelmed, you’d probably say, “That’s brilliant. Well done!”
But when it’s you? You might think, “Well, I should have done that days ago.”
If that sounds familiar, you can work on it, and I promise it will make a real difference.
Small Steps to Start Practising Self-Praise
- Notice the small wins – Replied to an email? Did you take a break before burnout hit? Did you get out of bed on a tough day? That’s worth acknowledging. Tiny victories count.
- Reframe the self-talk – Instead of saying, “I only did one thing today,” try, “I got the most important thing done today.”
- Write it down – A quick list of your ‘wins of the day’ in your journal or notes app can help retrain your brain to spot the good.
- Say it out loud – It might feel awkward at first, but saying “I’m proud of myself for getting through today” genuinely works.
- Start with neutral language – If praise feels too strong, ease in. Try, “I made an effort today, and that counts.” Over time, your brain learns to accept progress as valid.
What Happens When You Start to Recognise Your Own Effort
I’ve worked with so many clients with ADHD who’ve spent years believing they’re not good enough. They’ve struggled with self-doubt, guilt, and frustration.
But something shifts when they start practising self-praise, noticing their own effort instead of chasing perfection.
One client recently told me, “I finally feel like I’m allowed to be proud of myself,” and that’s everything.
Self-praise isn’t just about feeling better in the moment. It’s about undoing years of negative conditioning and learning actually to see your own progress.
It’s about building confidence, resilience, and a sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on what others think.
Why This Work Matters
As a counsellor, RTT practitioner, and ADHD coach, I work with people navigating anxiety, depression, and big life changes. Many clients come to me feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or disconnected.
Through our work together, they learn to shift their mindsets, break negative cycles, and rebuild confidence in themselves.
Whether through therapy, coaching, or RTT, I always aim to help you better understand yourself, develop practical tools, and create real, lasting change. Whether it’s through therapy, coaching, or RTT, I aim to help you understand yourself better, develop practical tools, and create meaningful, lasting change. If you’d like to explore RTT in more depth, you can find more on my sister site, Clear Haven Therapy ,where I also offer a deeper dive into how this approach works.
What’s Next?
If any of this sounds familiar, if you’re constantly chasing validation or find it hard to see the good in yourself, I’d love to help.
Let’s figure out what’s actually going to move you forward. Book a discovery call, and let’s chat.
