If you live with ADHD, chances are you’ve spent a lot of time feeling like you’re not doing enough, or not doing it right.
You’ve probably asked yourself, “Why can’t I just get it together?”
Maybe you’ve called yourself lazy, disorganised, or too emotional. You try to power through, push harder, be better, and do more.
But what if the thing that helps you move forward, isn’t more pressure?
What if it’s self-compassion?
Why Self-Compassion Can Feel Hard with ADHD
So many clients say the same thing: “I’m good at being kind to others. Just not to myself.”
And that makes sense. Especially if you’ve grown up hearing:
- “You’re not reaching your potential.”
- “Why do you always leave things to the last minute?”
- “You’re so capable, when you try.”
Even now, you might still feel like you’re constantly falling short, chasing routines that never stick, beating yourself up over every mistake, or pretending you’re fine when you’re completely overwhelmed inside.
Being kind to yourself is hard when your default setting is self-blame.
But here’s the thing: ADHD brains don’t thrive on pressure. They thrive on permission, to rest, recover, try again, and do things differently.
What Happens When You Start Being Kinder to Yourself
Self-compassion isn’t just nice to have. It’s a tool. One that actually makes it easier to function, especially when everything feels hard.
When you practice self-compassion, it helps to:
- Calm your nervous system
- Reduce shame and anxiety
- Improve consistency (because you’re not quitting out of frustration)
- Rebuild self-trust, one small win at a time
It doesn’t mean giving up or letting yourself off the hook. It means changing the tone of how you speak to yourself, and giving yourself space to try again without fear.
What Self-Compassion Actually Looks Like
It’s not always journaling or bubble baths. (Though it can be.)
More often, it looks like:
- Saying, “This is hard, and I’m allowed to find it hard”
- Take a break before you crash, not after
- Celebrating the effort, not just the result
- Letting go of the need to “do it right.”
- Talking to yourself like you’d talk to a friend
It might feel awkward at first. Forced, even. But with practice, it gets easier, and more natural. And what difference does it make? Genuinely life-changing.
How Support Can Help
Support for ADHD often involves more than practical strategies like time management or routines. It also includes paying attention to how you relate to yourself while trying to make changes. For many people, this means noticing long standing patterns of self criticism and learning how to respond with more understanding and patience.
Rather than pushing harder or expecting constant consistency, this approach focuses on finding ways to work with your brain that feel realistic and sustainable. When internal pressure eases, tasks can feel more manageable and change becomes easier to maintain over time.
If self-criticism has been a long-standing pattern for you, developing self-compassion can be a powerful part of change. You may find my Embrace Self-Compassion course helpful. It’s designed to support ADHD brains in softening harsh self-judgement and building a more understanding, supportive relationship with yourself over time.
