You didn’t plan for this.
You weren’t looking for intensity or drama.
But suddenly your mind feels hijacked.
You keep thinking about them.
Replaying conversations.
Reading into messages.
Wondering what things mean.
You tell yourself to stop.
You try to distract yourself.
You promise you won’t check your phone again.
And then you do.
It’s confusing. And exhausting.
Especially when part of you knows this level of emotional pull doesn’t quite make sense.
What Limerence Actually Feels Like
Limerence is often described as a crush, but that doesn’t really capture the experience.
It tends to feel more like emotional urgency.
A constant pull towards one person.
Mental loops that won’t switch off.
Relief when there’s contact, and discomfort when there isn’t.
It can feel exciting and unsettling at the same time.
Many people also feel a lot of self-judgement around this.
Why am I like this?
Why can’t I just let it go?
Why does this feel so intense?
Limerence Isn’t a Flaw or a Weakness
What’s often missing from conversations about limerence is compassion.
Limerence isn’t about being needy or obsessive.
It’s about how the brain and nervous system respond to emotional stimulation, uncertainty, and connection.
When something strongly activates your nervous system, your brain pays attention.
It looks for relief, reassurance, and meaning.
That’s not a flaw.
That’s how humans are wired.
ADHD, Dopamine and Emotional Intensity
For people with ADHD, emotional experiences often land more intensely.
Dopamine plays a role in motivation, focus, and emotional regulation.
When dopamine is low or inconsistent, the brain naturally looks for experiences that offer relief, clarity, or emotional charge.
Connection can do that.
So can anticipation, novelty, and emotional intensity.
This is why limerence and ADHD often overlap.
It’s not that the person is “the answer”.
It’s that your nervous system is responding to something that briefly feels regulating.
Why Telling Yourself to Stop Thinking About It Doesn’t Work
Limerence isn’t a thinking problem.
It’s a nervous system state.
Trying to logic your way out of it often adds another layer of frustration.
The thoughts keep looping because the body hasn’t settled yet.
Until that happens, the mind keeps returning to the same place.
This is where many people feel stuck, fighting themselves rather than supporting themselves.
What Helps When Limerence Feels All-Consuming
There isn’t a quick way to switch limerence off, and trying to force it away often makes it louder.
What tends to help more is gently shifting the focus away from the person and towards what’s happening inside you.
Supportive approaches can include calming the nervous system first. When emotional intensity is high, the body needs settling before the mind can soften. Gentle grounding, slow breathing, or calming audio can help reduce the sense of urgency that keeps thoughts looping.
Creating space from mental loops can also help. This isn’t about suppressing thoughts, but about giving your mind somewhere else to rest. Writing things down or externalising thoughts can reduce how dominant the loop feels.
Reconnecting with yourself is another important part. Limerence often pulls attention outward. Practices that help you tune back into your own needs, values, and internal signals can slowly restore balance and clarity.
Reducing emotional overload can make a real difference too. When life is already full, intense emotional experiences tend to amplify. Support that focuses on pacing, regulation, and overwhelm can help soften the intensity.
Self-compassion matters here. Beating yourself up for how you feel rarely helps it pass. Understanding why this is happening can reduce shame and allow the experience to loosen over time.
You don’t need to do all of this at once. Even small moments of grounding or clarity can begin to ease the intensity.
Limerence, Self-Compassion and Understanding
Limerence can feel isolating, especially when you don’t talk about it out loud.
If this resonates, nothing is wrong with you.
Your nervous system is responding in a way that makes sense for your brain.
With understanding, emotional regulation, and gentle support, limerence doesn’t have to stay this loud or consuming.
And you don’t need to be hard on yourself while you’re finding your way through it.
